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The Incredible Career of Cult Author Jeff Lint

Steve Aylett

The mock biography of Jeff Lint, author of some of the strangest and most inventive satirical SF of the twentieth century.

Size: ↑ 129 mm192 PagesISBN: 9781909679832
Publication: August 14, 2007


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Extending the Warren Commission’s flight of fancy, Lint theorizes that the Magic Bullet was a ricochet from that fired by John Wilkes Booth at Lincoln in 1865. In outline, the bullet entered through Lincoln’s left ear and emerged through his right eye, swerving out of Washington’s Ford’s Theatre and heading north, felling politician Thomas D’Arcy McGee as he walked to his home on Sparks Street, Ottawa; ricocheting back along its original course, the bullet hit President James Garfield as he boarded a train at the Baltimore & Potomac railroad station, piercing his back, making a dramatic U-turn and piercing his back again, emerging in perfect condition to travel east across the Atlantic to create three separate wounds in King Umberto I of Italy and exiting the corpse at a right angle— in Buffalo the bullet nicked off a button of President McKinley’s vestcoat, then made a 360-degree turn and entered McKinley’s stomach, continuing east again to Finland, where it wounded Russian governor general Bobrikov in the stomach before circling back to pass through his neck at an angle that put it on course for the east coast of America, slamming into Theodore Roosevelt’s chest, where its path was slightly diverted by a metal glasses case and slowed by the fifty-page speech that Roosevelt had double-folded in his breast pocket— it left the unharmed ex-president, picking up speed until it had enough inertial force to penetrate the midriff of President Francisco Madero in Mexico City and ricochet north-east to take out King George of Greece in Salonica. Curving north to Sarajevo, the bullet hit the Archduchess Sofia in the abdomen and Archduke Francis Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary close to the heart before spanging southwest to the Mexican town of Chinameca where it looped through Emiliano Zapata, causing multiple wounds and continuing this spiral motion until its encounter with the sleeping Venustiano Carranza, president of Mexico— orbital inertia seems to have sent the bullet hurtling back across the Atlantic to Warsaw’s Palace of Fine Arts, where it blew three distinct wounds in President Gabriel Narutowicz of Poland and spent around four years following Benito Mussolini, occasionally darting at him like a wasp but without any lasting harm until heading Stateside again,... "

Jeff Lint was author of some of the strangest and most inventive satirical SF of the twentieth century.
He transcended genre in classics such as Jelly Result and The Stupid Conversation, becoming a cult figure and pariah. Like his contemporary Philip K. Dick, he was blithely ahead of his time.

Aylett follows Lint through his Beat days; his immersion in pulp SF, psychedelia and resentment; his disastrous scripts for Star Trek and Patton; the controversies of The Caterer comic and the scariest kids' cartoon ever aired; and his belated Hollywood success in the 1990s.

It was a career haunted by death, including the undetected death of his agent, the suspicious death of his rival Herzog, and the unshakable "Lint is dead" rumors, which persisted even after his death.

Steve Aylett is a satirical science fiction and slipstream author of several bizarro books.

1. The Burst Sofa of Pulp

2. Weird Tales

Opening joke · Santa Fe · hit by a planet · Astounding · Mars attacks · ‘Wall Swordfish Still Alive’ · light on the surface · crappy story

3. The Incredible Fender

‘The Silver Radio’ · And Your Point Is? · Rouch and Herzog · food for the moon · bending words the wrong way

4. Angel or Sardine—Lint and the Beats

Hiding in Columbia · Campbell · Kerouac · Benzedrine · trying too hard · appearances · Gramajo · spinal pheasants · first shot out of the box · typography cracked the voices of silence · Roswell

5. ‘Monstrous Poet Alarms Shoppers’

The joker · covers and headlines · escape artist · The Day Maggots Sing · smashing the world · this bad reputation · ‘Rosebud Investment’

6. ‘I Can Take Anything’: The Pulp Life

High pulp · Perry Street ·Baffling Belly Stories · a crystalline associate · Alvarez · toasting the Bread of Shame · release the tigers

7. Jelly Result

Rain upon travelers · Eterani · Valac infects his punishment and backs it up into the community · the coining of Fanny Barberra · shallow and deep vanishing · like a cat · Slogan Love · relief disguised as penance · circus of glossolalia · Maurice Girodias

8. Sparking Mad

Critical reaction · Nose Furnace · Rouch rumble · reverse template · Cheerful When Blamed · coast to coast · for the birds · everything is plentiful here

9. Turn Me into a Parrot

Sigil train · alien designs · quantum punchline · craw wafers · bug hunt · first lines · ‘we are imperilled’ · tough

10. Catty and the Major

False cartoon · everything · Can I see your skull, mister? · the cat and the burnt guy · exegesis · journeyman reavers · the Kecksburg Testicle · hit and run · casting out the self · Herzog breakdown

11. ‘Debate This, You Mother’—Smashing the Reader in Prepare to Learn

Absorbing all consequence · Vacuum as Policy · hyperlife · too many novelties in his nobility · America Immaculata · pragments · honoured and scorned · Paradox results from artificial boundaries

12. Carnagio

Lint Trek · originality still abhorred · Consolation Playhouse · carnagio · Thrown stones were once stars · The Converse Bell · Now whatever you do don’t touch that one · The Coffin Was Labelled Benjy the Bear

13. ‘My Goblin Hell’

Death of Agent Baines · three fifths of a mile in three months · vestigial tail · Just One Honest Statement · sorcerer’s apprentice · ‘Or the mosquito gets it’ · Dragons of Aggrazar

14. Hollywood Hack

Banish m’Colleagues · The Gloom Is Blinding · Fanny fire · Kiss Me, Mister Patton · mannered and epicene · ghost of corporate future · five curses

15. Rigor Mortis: Lint’s JFK book

Ingersoll · Magic Bullet · accident or frivolity · Flaming Energy Clown · Umbrella man · festival of sadness · knife attack

16. The ‘Fantastic Lemon’ Experience

The Hours of Betty Carbon · Lint wedges · C. H. Hinton · infinite intrusion · The Stupid Conversation · unlikely at best · a new category of sight · going underground

17. ‘Lint Is Dead’

Felix Arkwitch · where an amateur can grin · dog attack · crown of gears · eye trumpet · into the minus? · how about another one · unscrambling

18. Graphic Equalizer: The Caterer

Against advice · fogbound motivations · Hoston Pete · diatribe · Mouse World · everything is weird · ‘I won’t prevent it’

19. The World—It’s Not Big and It’s Not Clever

Blast of truth · drab Tangier · psychonauts · Elsa Carnesky · painted Zulu coconuts · a Hindu cigarette · domestic epic anode · Where are the clams? · colour nodes · London Fanatique · nous sommes assis sur un volcan · dust devil

20. Swaying Fast Is Rocking

Lint rock · The Energy Draining Church Bazaar · flies · trun · strange incidents · a policy of terrorizing · bloat · cable cheese · Unsmile · The Prophecies · on reading new books · explorers are never suspicious

21. Nose Furnace and Other Deaths

Suction eel · satan filters · factoids · the Insufferable Banyolar · Arkwitch the Movie · Aquadog · Platypus Payback · where is Durutti? · The Caterer in limbo

22. Arkwitch

Thousand Mile Gun · the slug correspondence · mind- mapping · satire as sacrament · sheer visual quantity evokes the magical resonance of the tribal horde · behind the text

23. Easy Prophecy

Oppressive smithereens · gently meddling with the future · prophecy humour · America’s make-believe · ‘Reality is the thing that doesn’t need to be asserted’ · Nous sentant des ailes · cramming

24. Clowns and Locusts

Soylent scream · garnet · acceleration · UltraLint · The Jarkman · ’cause I’m done dead already · UFO flap

25. In Person

‘Gigantic pleasure rockets’ · backpackers · ‘Dance to feedback old man’ · Silent is the city that applauds integrity · real pumped · god trying to be funny · acolytes · The truth is never wrong · scorpion globe paperweights · consensus

26. Lint Is Dead II—Rumours, Clues, and Lost Works

Stoked · preferably in velvet · liars invade verdant Eden · sightings · Jellypressure · the subtle game · cults and fan clubs · the future as a statue in a fountain · Lint’s dreamers

27. The Man Who Gave Birth to His Arse

Saddled · scrubbing tombstones · don’t thank the shark · the claymore principle of creation · savouring regret · The Vermilion Equation · intravenous cheats · for I am the way · new colours

Lint quotations




List of Illustrations


“Lint is like manna from Mars, a jaw-to-the-floor comic masterpiece that will leave you giddy with excitement that it even exists... everyone holding this magazine should own two copies of Lint: one for themselves, one to fling in the face of their nearest foe. *****” -- SFX Magazine

“More fun than any other mock author biography on the face of this or any other planet. Smart people should be tortured and shot for not reading Steve Aylett... Aylett crams more ideas into one sentence than you’ll find in all the novels on the New York Times bestseller list put together.” -- Bookmunch

“[Aylett] is an unstoppable master of space and time—much like Lint himself.’“an elaborate and unhinged comedy, Lint offers a wide sweep of pulp/junk/underground culture... I love the part about Lint’s JFK conspiracy theory, which posits that the same bullet ricochet killed several presidents.” -- LitKicks

“This little book is a gem...What Steve Aylett has done is put together a very odd, sometimes nonsensical, but often laugh-out-loud funny mock biography of a pulp fiction writer who only exists in the author’s imagination. The section on Lint’s failed Star Trek script had me in tears, I was laughing so hard.” -- Estella’s Revenge


Size: ↑ 129 mm

192 Pages

ISBN: 9781909679832

Publication: August 14, 2007

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